Bubble & Squeak

I have always written a diary you know. I recently found one of my first diaries from 1983 in my mother’s loft. I had to laugh at a random entry I read as the pages fell open on October 12th: “came home from school, ate fishfingers and chips, watched The Professionals and went to bed”. My teenage life was riveting.

My diary writing continued on through my life until it morphed into blogging. Still, I had to do it – that compulsion to muse and digest the minutiae of daily life stayed with me as I went ‘electronic’. Many of my blog entries since 2004 were totally immersed, totally unreadable, totally me. I called myself ’spiritually’ and’ nutritionally’ awakened in those days. Even so, my blog was quite popular; I had a post which was viewed 54,000 times (and counting) – it is about colonic irrigation.

So today, whilst reading an article in the Telegraph, which dOH thrust into my face saying “look, some people blog and make MONEY from it”, I decided to go up-market, really use this obsession of mine and try to do something with it. I know, I have turned away from spirituality (and colonic irrigation); I have become very shallow all of a sudden – I am writing solely to attract a publisher and land a £70,000 advance for a book. All from this humble keyboard of mine.

If you dream of the stars you may just land on the moon, however if you dream of rooftops, you’ll probably land up in the gutter – wet.

So here I go, the first post on my journey falling from the stars onto the moon. Boy am I lucky. Lucky? Yep lucky. The article I read in the paper today was about yummy mummies blogging on the subject of bringing up their kids in London or the North of England. And making a packet out of it too. Okay, I can match that, are you kidding? I am bringing up two girls in rural France!

Many blogs found in this newspaper article are ‘well-written, funny and touching’ – I can do all three; I know how to use a semi-colon and I laugh (and cry) at myself repeatedly throughout the day. I am well qualified.

But I have more, much more to offer: a juicy, tantalising, funny and touching element to all of this ‘yummy-mumminess’: as from two weeks ago, I have decided to homeschool my two dear daughters, yep July 3rd will be their last day in French school. After that, they are all mine. Mine, mine, mine, (well actually mine and dOH’s) here in this little chalet in the Alps. And I can hardly speak French, or make chicken consommé. You have to admit it, I may have the edge.

Anyway, do you think that warrants a £70,000 advance? I’d better get writing.